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I've never known such a feeling...though I wished for it my whole life. I visualized and I fantasized...about this lady who would be my wife. And though I tried to make it happen way too many times I know I lied...to my own heart as I looked for some sort of sign... a sign that would make it clear...that finally this was the one... the one who would share my life with me...the one who would love my sons. But over and over I was disappointed...disillusioned and resigned... to the simple fact that such a lady...existed only in my mind. So I had all but given up...when suddenly you were there... I tried to pretend you weren't that special...I really tried not to care. Because I knew so well...first hand...that people aren't usually what they seem and my lifetime search for just the right woman... was really little more than a dream. But armed with this protection...careful not to let myself go reminded by a lifetime of hurts...I knew I would never let you know... that underneath my shield of armor...created by years of tears... there was still a hope...faintly flickering...smothered by years of fears... fears that no one respects the truth...no one can be faithful today fears that there's no one else like me...who can love me just the right way. And yet I ventured...very carefully...always expecting the worst I trusted so many others...but you, my dear...were the first... the first person I've ever known...who feels the way I feel who wants her love to keep on growing...the first girl who made it seem real. And every day...it just gets better...I love you more than I should I'm scared to death...yet loving every minute...nothing...has ever been this good. How much we love one another...is proportionate to how much it would hurt... if somehow that love were suddenly gone...how much is that risk worth? But I've never known such a feeling...nothing has ever been this strong... I've never in my life been up this high...everything before you came along... just feels like preparation...a classroom of love in life... all the hurts have helped me to recognize...the one who will be my wife. Because maybe...except for the others...I might not appreciate... how truly wonderful you really are...both as my friend and my mate. I've never in my life been this happy...thank you for being what you are... I never thought it was possible...but you are better by far... than all of my wildest dreams...you are all of my dreams come true... it's a privilege to give you my love and my life...it's an honor to be loved by you. So please understand when I cry...I love you right down to my soul... they're happy tears...because of the years...of feeling so out of control. And here I am...finally focused...you are the heart of my life... with every beat...I love you more...nothing has ever been this right... I feel like my life has just begun...finally...the looking is through... all the hurts and pain have been worth it...because all of that... brought me to you. copyright 1999 skybird publishing company james bruce joseph sievers |